Aug 4, 2010

Taking Prophylactic Measures to Improve Oakland

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend, about her daughter’s preschool in Oakland:

FRIEND: The co-op is wonderful, so nurturing.

TSADA: That’s great! So, "co-op" means you have to work there, right?

FRIEND: Yes. It’s a lot of hours, but it’s worth it. The sense of community and all.

TSADA: So, like, you go there, teach, help with snacks, clean the classrooms--stuff like that?

FRIEND: Yes, among other tasks. We also tend the grounds on and around the property. There’s an expansive city park area adjacent to the school.

TSADA: So, like, you have to mow the lawn?

FRIEND: On the school grounds, yes, but not on the city property. We just pick up garbage in the park. And on weekends, we search for used condoms. Lots and lots of used condoms.

TSADA: *vomits on FRIEND*

Kudos to my saintly friend, as I don’t even like to touch my own genital refuse.

Similarly, kudos to mayoral candidate Don Perata for launching a campaign effort disguised as a philanthropic project to literally clean up Oakland.

Since 2008, nearly one-quarter of Oakland's Parks and Recreation workers have been laid off due to budget cuts.  This means, among other problems, an enormous increase in general funk and nastiness in the places where Oaklanders live and play.  The cuts have gone so deep that many of our parks no longer have any waste recepticals. That means visitors have two options--pack their trash and take it with them, or litter. Enter: The Condom Brigade. 

While I am still undecided as to who will get my vote for mayor, I did enjoy getting the postcard from Perata today, inviting neighbors to participate in the project and gently coaxing us with promises of "refreshments" at the clean-up sites (because everyone knows that the way to a lazy Oaklander's heart is an offer of free snacks). I must say, Perata looks rather mayoral with a girthy broomstick in his grasp, and shoot, I'd like to see current Oakland Mayor Ron Dellums scooping cat turds and brimful Trojans at Burkhalter Park.  Come to think of it, I'd like to see Ron Dellums do anything to effect a positive change in the city.

Regardless of how you feel about Perata and his motives behind this project, it's great to see a politician cleaning up after blow jobs on a local level, rather than administering them on a political one.

Nice work, Don.  Now if only you would come to my house and change the cat litter...

To RSVP for the clean-up, call (510) 922-8397.  For more information, visit
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the Tsaritsa said...

"it's great to see a politician cleaning up after blow jobs on a local level, rather than administering them on a political one." AHAHAHAHAHAHA, thank you for that!

This blog post is funny because I was just thinking of spent condoms on the sidewalk this morning.

Gretchen said...

Well, at least people having sex in the park next to the preschool are using protection.

The Lazy Paperboy said...

Nastiness of the particular clean-up duties aside, the co-op members have learned an important political truth: getting it done means getting involved. Of course, keeping the kids in Teddy Grahams and juice boxes is a much better gig.

tsada kay said...

Very well put, TLP.

Edmond G. Belanger said...

Lovely post

Edmond G. Belanger said...

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