Jan 24, 2011

From Chickenheads to Chicken: The Many Faces of Flav



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STEPDAD:  What is that beeping noise?

TSADA:  I don't hear a beeping noise.

STEPDAD:  Your cell phone.  It's losing its charge.

TSADA:  I don't think so. I charged it last night.

STEPDAD:  It's some sort of electronic device.

TSADA:  I don't hear anything.

STEPDAD:  It's beeping.

TSADA:  No.

STEPDAD:  That! That beeping noise!

TSADA:  ...

STEPDAD:  What is that beeping noise?

This exchange happened a couple of years ago, on a lazy afternoon when my folks were hanging out at my place.  Despite my stepdad's multiple complaints, I would not get up to look for the offending device, because a) I really didn’t hear any beeping noise myself, and b) I was busy watching Flavor of Love. And everyone knows you don’t disturb Tsada when she’s watching Flavor of Love.


It wasn’t until Flav had given out his last clock of the evening (to the girl who cooked the best fried chicken for his mother--it was the famed chicken-frying episode), that I turned off the TV and listened for this alleged beeping.

“It stopped,” he said. “As soon as you turned off that program, it stopped.”

As it turns out, it wasn’t a cell phone after all. It was Flavor of Love. My stepfather was hearing the incessant beep of the VH-1 censor, as every-other word on Flavor of Love is generally an obscenity.

Anyway, speaking of chicken, I mentioned last month that I have long been a lover of fried chicken, although since I gave up poultry over twenty years ago, that love has been an unrequited one for quite some time. For more than two decades, my finger-licking cravings have been sated only by vicarious living through the lives of happy chicken-eaters in ads for KFC and Popeye's.

It’s not unlike my relationship with Flav and his skanks. Flavor of Love truly is the greasy fast food of entertainment; it’s nasty, it’s produced cheaply and in mass quantity, and some might even argue it’s the kind of product that’s killing our society. Yet I find myself rationalizing, if I’m only a witness to the nastiness rather than an active participant in the debauchery, well then, who am I really hurting?

If Flav eats fried chicken in the woods and nobody is around to see him, is there really chicken stuck in his grill?

In a country boasts 5200 KFC outlets nationwide, that question may forever go unanswered, especially now that the famed rapper and reality TV star is opening his own chain of fried chicken restaurants. According to the Associated Press, the first Flav’s Fried Chicken store opens today in Clinton, Iowa, with Flav himself (a graduate of culinary arts school) manning the fryolator!

It’s the biggest story involving Flav since that girl pooped on his floor a few years ago.

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3 comments:

theTsaritsa said...

I guess we should be happy that he's doing something productive, right? I like Flav, whatever happened with him and Thing 2?

tsada kay said...

OMG I forgot about teh Things. Lollers.

Ted said...

He comes on Howard Stern occasionally and is a very good guest. Flava Flav!!!

 
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