Feb 11, 2011

I'm Not Racist, Some of My Best Friends Are Field Hockey Players

Probably the most unawesome thing for me, as an awkward Jewish kid growing up in New England, was how poorly I assimilated into athletic WASP culture.

While I don’t understand completely how it works, I am confident that what I’ve witnessed extensively over the years serves almost-scientific proof that there is a direct correlation between a silky blonde ponytail and certain kinds of athletic prowess, specifically in the arenas of field hockey and lacrosse.

Although I was forced to participate in both these ridiculous New England stick rituals as a schoolgirl, my ability therein was so pathetic that I, like so many other unathletic young Jews, resorted to comedy to deal with the social anguish that befell me in gym class. And by “comedy”, I mean I would insert the curved end of my field hockey stick down the front of my sweatpants in order to give my best impression of Mr. McFahey, our perpetually aroused PE instructor. While this never failed to elicit a laugh from the hyper-competitive blonde chicks, it still didn’t spare me their rebuke or mockery when, later on the field, I’d trip over that same stick and make our team lose. Awkward Jew Fail = relentless cries of “RETAHHHD!” and “LOOSAAAH!” from Minnie and Miffy and Meg.

And so I was slightly disappointed when I heard that Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas) addressed the House Tuesday in regard to this Pepsi ad that aired Super Bowl Sunday, which she called “demeaning”.

With all due respect to the distinguished gentlewoman from Texas, I’m having a hard time—in between fits of hysterical laughter—determining to whom this commercial is demeaning. As a fellow Democrat, I also vehemently oppose the use of violence as a method of conflict resolution, but hey, that shit is funny!

I’m guessing it was the historical dearth of field hockey and lacrosse in Texas that caused Ms. Jackson Lee to fail to see the humor in the smug, athletic ponytail's can-to-the-head. Because if the congresswoman had been in my PE class, I like to think she’d be laughing right along with me.

You go, Pepsi lady.

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.