Mar 25, 2011

Things I’ve Been Pondering Since I Haven’t Been Blogging

1. If only I’d been 16 and pregnant, I could have been a contender.

2. What is up with all the men in tight pants on American Idol? Y’all are gonna injure yourselves. Srsly.

3. Why does Randy Jackson have a bindi dot on his chin?

4. While you can clearly have the L without the G and the T, can you really have the G without the T and the L?

5. The Grenade Whistle is really more of a horn.

6. How does Top Chef manage to be so entertaining I can’t even smell or taste that shit?

7. What the hell did Martin Lawrence use to conceal his mustache when he played Shenehneh?

8. Animal Planet is clearly for people who don’t actually like animals.

9. Really, Obama? Really?

10. I’d rather watch Paula Deen and that creepy sea captain get all Last Tango in Paris with a stick of butter than eat anything that heifer cooks.

11. Why do Pajama Jeans only come in boot cut?

12. Mike Tyson is a vegan?

13. Who the hell are these "real employees" who work for big corporate entities like Comcast and AT&T and Honey Bunches of Oats, who go on commercials dressed in uniform and yak about how awesome their company is and how much they enjoy working for it? Because, um, I DON'T BELIEVE THEM.

14. Imagine how different the world would be today, had that wild boar on Survivor eaten Elizabeth Hasselbeck, instead of the other way around.

15. Snooki's cuca.

16. I’m 89% sure The Bachelor is secretly funded by the KKK.

17. WINNING. Or not.

18. Cialis, Wellbutrin, Flonase, Viagra...How come there are no ads for Vicodin on TV? Viva Vicodin!

In all seriousness though, thank you to all of my friends and readers who have sent me well-wishes since my car accident last month (when I was hit by a dumbass motherfucker lovely gentleman with no license and no insurance). I credit you guys with helping me keep whatever modicum of sanity I had in the first place.

And thank you to my insurance company for being as much like a good neighbor as that guy who used to ejaculate in the elevator.

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the Tsaritsa said...

I had no idea Mike Tyson was a vegan! Weird. He's been showing off his softer side with that show about pigeons.

tsada kay said...

I didn't either, Tsaritsa! Also, I read that the Old Spice guy is a vegan as well.

Gretchen said...

tsada! I'm so glad to see a new entry. I had never pondered that about Paula Deen, but now of course the 1 to 2 sticks of butter in all her recipes will have a whole new meaning for me.

I hope you are doing better. :)

tsada kay said...

Thank you so much Gretchen!

I can't wait for Halloween so I can make you some Paula Deen Goblin Balls! GOBLIN BALLS!

The Lazy Paperboy said...

Good to see you back here going at it with the proper mixture of LOLs, sneering and filth. Because, really, that's the blogging trifecta.

Anja said...

I have no idea what GTL is. Or Cuca. Or Pajama Jeans. Apparently I suck at pop culture. LOL

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